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by Maria Kereshi, Psy.D.
Father Brian recently moved to a new assignment in his diocese, which was an hour away from his former parish, where he had been for six years. While he loved his former parish, he was looking forward to a quieter, smaller community. Overall, he was successful in his past assignments; his administrative work was complete and timely, he demonstrated good pastoral awareness, had a supportive social network, and he was physically active in a tennis club.
His new parish was in a rural area where he did not know many people. The parish was thriving with a stable staff and active ministry life. Father Brian’s anxiety began when he started moving his belongings to the new rectory. He was also trying to decide if he should keep his primary care physician or try to find someone local. Where would he go for a haircut? He had his favorite restaurants back home, but now he didn’t even know where to go for a good cup of coffee. The changes started to feel overwhelming.
His new staff was friendly, helpful and competent. They had been working together for so long that they knew each other’s families and had inside jokes. He knew it was silly, but he felt like a new kid in second grade who was walking into the cafeteria and did not know where to sit.
Father Brian got right to work. He started to get frustrated with himself if he didn’t know the answer to a question or forgot someone’s name. It felt like his mind would just go blank sometimes. At night, he felt so tired from the day, but would have trouble falling asleep. He noticed people yawning or looking at their watches during homilies, and his gut told him that he was boring them. He worried that he was too friendly, or maybe not friendly enough. After an interaction with someone, he would replay the conversation in his mind, second guessing his responses. His gut was feeling like the interaction was “off.” He had always felt confident, but this change seemed to bring about insecurities he hadn’t experienced in a long time. As time went on, he became familiar with his new assignment, but the anxiety seemed to stay.
He kept his distance from people, worried they didn’t like him. Others were interpreting Father Brian’s behavior as standoffish. If he socialized, he felt very self-conscious, nervous, and just wanted to leave. As he turned down social invitations, people assumed he did not want to spend time with them and eventually stopped asking. He had not met new tennis partners and his exercise decreased. He was caught in a cycle of working, busying himself with administrative tasks, then going home and watching television until he was tired enough to go to bed. When he went to bed, his worries would keep him awake. When he went to see his physician, the doctor noted that his weight and blood pressure had increased. As he told his doctor about all the life changes he experienced in the last year, his doctor asked if he had considered therapy to help with the transition. Father Brian thought he should have been able to manage something as routine as an assignment change without help, but he was willing to try it.
Father Brian’s Vicar for Clergy had a list of therapists that the diocese had used in the past. He was restless the night before his first session, unsure of what to expect and what the therapist would think of him. Their first meeting included a lot of questions regarding Father Brian’s background and his current issues. Father Brian felt like he told this stranger more in an hour than many people knew about him his whole life, and he noticed feeling relief at sharing some of his struggles. The therapist told him that his symptoms suggested a struggle with anxiety and since his anxiety had been present for more than six months, it was considered a Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
Father Brian and the therapist decided that they would meet weekly until the symptoms reduced. He learned about sleep hygiene to address nighttime worries. He began new social relationships and learned ways to improve his communication with others. They also set goals for each week, such as spending 40 minutes exercising, or leaving administrative tasks for the hours between 8 am and 4 pm.
Having someone take a nonjudgmental look at where things were going off-track helped Father Brian begin to feel like his old self again. By speaking about his struggles and goals with a therapist, Father Brian was able to manage the change with this added support.
Dr. Maria Kereshi has worked with Saint Luke Institute since 2005. Her specialties include trauma related disorders, mood disorders, and working with clergy.
For confidentiality reasons, names, identifying data and other details have been altered.
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